So besides the biblical knowledge that I already have, other experiences that I have had in my life that help me and prove to me
that Jesus is who He says He is in the Bible.
From what I have read/learned of what the Bible says, it is
consistent with what I have experienced and continue to experience in life:
1.
The Bible says that God is living & He is Spirit,
and that God’s Spirit lives inside of those who know him. In the New Testament
the Bible records that many were filled with the baptism of the Spirit. John the
Baptist (cousin of Jesus) testified that Jesus would baptize with the Holy
Spirit and with fire.
When I decided to follow Jesus, I was 13 years
old. I sensed that God was speaking to me in my heart. There was an inward pull
to believe. When I decided to give my life to Jesus, I remember thinking that I
had been so selfish in life and I felt so guilty. I literally felt an inward
cleansing from that guilt from a power outside of myself when I told Jesus yes.
Then in the same day, I told God that I wanted more of Him. I didn’t really
even know what that meant, but I felt a hunger inside of me. After I asked God
to give me more of him, I told Him I didn’t care what people thought of me.
Then I again, literally felt something happen inside myself. It was a power
that came inside me and I started speaking in an unknown language. The next day
or so, I was hanging out with my usual friends and we went to go smoke pot.
After I did it, I felt an uneasiness about it now. I just didn’t feel as clean
and as good inside and the high I experienced was not the high or sensation of
clean that I experienced when the Holy Spirit came upon me.
As the time went on I felt that the Lord, would
give me that Holy Spirit energy, I had a joy that I had never experienced
before when I was speaking out what the Lord was speaking to me and I had
boldness to share what it was because I knew it was truth from God.
Again as time went on, people started
questioning what I was saying. I took my eyes, my confidence, off of the Lord.
After that, it was a quick downward spiral. I let fear in, depression followed
and even a mental breakdown.
As I was put on anti-deppresants, I finally got
to feeling like I could live a “normal” life again. But my zeal and fervor for
life and the Lord was non-existent.
I went to Bible college and during that time
felt pretty even keel. It was before I graduated, I started wondering,
questioning, thinking, and really just searching for life and meaning again.
I believe all of this was really a struggle to
figure out what was lacking in my relationship with the Lord.
I started walking toward or gracing the line of
what I thought may or may not have been sin. But I wanted to have fun. And it
was fun. Until I went to church and I felt guilty again. I started looking for
fun to be my life. And while doing that, inside I started losing hope. I tried
to stir it back up, but it wasn’t until my friend Claire had had a dream about
me that I was really angry, that I even realized that I had let a lot of anger
grow inside of me.
The next 2 or 3 years were dark in my heart. I
was so confused and felt so hopeless. All the while knowing somewhere within me
that God was beckoning me. He was asking me to come back to His loving arms and
embrace. To be cleansed. To be whole and healed. I just couldn’t at that point,
but I did start trying to take steps to. My friend Claire invited me to her
church. When I went there, it felt like heaven.
The joy and exuberant worship there awoke my heart and my mind again to
the fact that there was a reality of heaven on earth. I then tried to start making plans to get to
where God wanted me to be, when again, that wasn’t what I needed to do as much
as that I needed to know that I was right where God wanted me to be at that
time, in that place, if I would just turn around and run into His loving arms
and trust Him again. Like I said, and as you may have been gathering it has
been a journey and today I’m realizing that this testimony itself is helping me
to realize that God is right here and I’m
right here and if I just release myself to Him, trust His Holy Spirit, and let
Him cleanse me and fill me every day and listen to what He speaks and obey what
He directs that my life will not only be better, but my destiny will be
fulfilled in every moment of my life.
